Friday, November 2, 2012

Just another day

It was just another day in this simple mind of mine, one day that consisted of me wondering what if. All day I thought about the what ifs and how different life would be if I had done things differently when presented with a chance. Oh you know what I mean, every day you are presented with 2 choices but you can only pick one. Example; you  could have gone straight to work this morning but instead you opted for a quick stop to the coffee shop which then later resulted with you getting a ticket later that morning. Ever wonder if maybe you had gone directly to work would you have had that ticket? I honestly believe each choice we make could have resulted in our lives having a different outcome than the one you live with today.
Have you ever wondered about that life? About the life you would have lived had you made a different choice. I did, and it makes me a little sad to think about the things I have missed out on.
What choice have you made that if given the opportunity you would go back and pick option B?

Friday, October 5, 2012

update on little ol me

Last post I made was made when I was in a state of anger. I felt so alone and so depressed that I think I posted when I should have not. Anyways I am not going to bother deleting that because in that moment I suppose it felt right. On another note, I am feeling quite great this week, I returned from a wonderful adventure out in the sea. I experienced snorkeling and believe it or not I felt like a little fish out in the sea. It is another world down there and hands down I must admit I really enjoyed it. I was scared at firsts considering I've never done that before and also I am not a great swimmer. Another thing I can finally check off my bucket list. For those who have not been on a cruise I highly recommend it. Being without technology is a refresher on its own.

I have been strongly considering learning cosmetology/ nail art. I think that it is something I can learn and do for a living. I love to write but who am I kidding, it would never pay the bills.  I will see what happens with that and go on from there. Of course I  think I have the attention span of a child so I might not even commit to the idea. But I am positive I will like this, it is different and I think it is something I should pursue.

Well I think that is it for now. I will definately be writting more often and hopefully I can gain some followers.


Friday, September 14, 2012

Change in direction

I know I said that I was going to make this about my stories and things like that but I have decided to go in a change of direction. I will be using this to express my feelings this blog will consist of me mostly ranting and venting my emotions. I am too much of a tortured soul to continue to keep all my.emotions bottled up and I need to let it all out. I need to just release all that I feel, my hurts,anger,sadness and just everything... I am letting them out. Hope that this helps me so I can see what triggers these emotions and better control my life. I cant continue to go about sad and crying behind closed doors. So tired of fronting a smile and hiding behind giggles and joys.

Anyways its all I wanted to say.....byes.


Wednesday, August 1, 2012


Random writing not be taken seriously.......

I always blamed life for tearing us apart. I always blamed others for not being able to be with you but  I should have just blamed myself. All my life I've had these self deconstructive tendencies that no one can see but me. That is until you walked in, you walked in and made everything good and made everything fall into place. You made me better but my issue is that I have the attention span of a 3 year old. So I ruined it like I ruin everythine else that goes good in my life.

I'm always searching for something, anything that will make me feel whole. So far I've found nothing, except more self hate and more loneliness. I am fully aware of my flaws and I try so hard to ignore them but they are there present as they always are and will be.

Where are you? When will I find you? Are you as destroyed as I am? I've always wondered this to myself. I haven't seen you in so long and I've tried to forget you but I can't. Your like this drug that I cannot get over, an addiction that keeps coming back. We always find each other after every break. We share all these moments together still being so far away but the truth is we don't love each other. We just need each other to survive. I like to think of you as my invisible companion. You have been with me most of my life but what keeps you here? Why don't you go away? I have obviously lived my life but why haven't you? Random girls, random nights, some stay, some don't. I hear you and it hurts. All I want is your happiness but how can I give you yours when I haven't found mine......
Life is complicated and I believe love is only a myth. I thought I found love on several occasions. How stupid of me for each time I have been wrong. I can honestly say I no longer believe in love. I believe in people wanting to escape their reality, thier lonliness so they use people as tools.

People wonder why I put up walls and they wonder why I am so insecure. I just laugh because it doesn't matter it's not like anyone cares. I am so tired of begging, so tired of wanting to feel loved, of waiting to be heard. So I will quit trying and just keep to myself. I have always had you to turn to but not anymore. I rather do this alone just like I have always. I will just keep crying until it hurts no more. Until I feel so numb that I won't care anymore, I will just smile and keep pretending that all is good. It is all I can do. I've done it all my life so I have it perfected. Smile and noone will know that behind the smile and eyes full of wonder is a little doll whose heart was born shattered....


Friday, July 27, 2012

First Post

Hello stranger,
This is my new/first blog, it was suggested by a friend that I use this as a way to get people to read a bit about my stories, poems and what not. I am not sure what to expect or what is expected of me but I am willing to give it a try. I must admit that this is quite new to me and I am pretty anxious about it. Anyways I will hopefully get the hang of this and start posting my mini stories and poems soon.